It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Duck Duck Cougar?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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