you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
