WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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