Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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