Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
