I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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