y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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