i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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