Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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