and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
