Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
