just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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