hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize