Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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