life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
