Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
