Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
