I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize