Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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