Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
