I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
