you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
