i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
