Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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