We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
