yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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