Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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