so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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