you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
