I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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