It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize