i already hear my dad disowning me
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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