Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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