Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
