You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
