I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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