Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
