That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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