YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
