Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize