If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
