im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
