You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
and you fell through a lawn chair
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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