I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
