I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
