capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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