There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
