yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
