Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
