"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
