nut hugger
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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