guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize