Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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