question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
