I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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