garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
