Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
