Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
