i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
