I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
