It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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