I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
