Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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