his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
