fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
